The Complete Guide to Using Lube for Better Sex – Enhancing Comfort and Pleasure

Key Takeaways 

• Lubricant is not optional when using a vaginal dilator — it reduces friction, improves comfort, and makes each session easier to complete (Kennedy et al., 2022).
• Only water-based lubricant should be used with Milli. Silicone- and oil-based lubricants can damage the device’s silicone surface and should be avoided.
• There are meaningful differences between lubricant types beyond just brand. Understanding them helps you make the right choice for your body and your therapy (Edwards & Panay, 2016).
• Easier, more comfortable sessions make it easier to stay consistent — and consistency is a critical factor in how quickly progress happens with dilation therapy (Wallace et al., 2019).
• More is better. Reapply throughout your session as needed rather than using too little.

Why Lubricant Matters for Dilation Therapy

When you are using a vaginal dilator, lubricant is not a nice-to-have — it is an essential part of the process. Whether you are managing vaginismus, recovering from pelvic surgery, or working through dryness related to menopause or hormonal changes, friction is your enemy. It can make sessions uncomfortable enough to stop, and stopping is exactly what you want to avoid.

Lubricant reduces friction, allows the dilator to glide smoothly, and makes each session more comfortable from start to finish (Kennedy et al., 2022). This matters not just for physical comfort, but for the psychological experience of therapy — when sessions feel manageable rather than stressful, you are far more likely to stay consistent with them. And consistency is a critical factor in how quickly progress happens (Wallace et al., 2019).

43% of women experience some form of sexual dysfunction — including dryness, pain, or difficulty with arousal (Laumann et al., 1999). For many of them, lubricant is one of the simplest and most immediate tools available. Paired with a well-designed dilator and a gradual approach, it can make the difference between therapy that stalls and therapy that moves forward. To understand more about what causes painful sex and when dilation therapy is appropriate, see our article on dyspareunia symptoms and causes.

Types of Lubricants: What to Use and What to Avoid

Not all lubricants are the same, and the differences matter — especially when you are using a medical device like Milli (Edwards & Panay, 2016). Here is a breakdown of the main types, what they are good for, and what to be aware of:

Type	What It’s Good For	Use With Milli?	What to Know
Water-Based	General use, dilation therapy, sex — works in almost everysituation	✅ Yes — recommended	Gentle on vaginal tissue, safe with all dilators and toys, easy to clean. May need reapplication during longer sessions.
Silicone-Based	Longer sessions, situations where reapplication isn’tpractical	❌ No — avoid with Milli	Lasts longer and stays slick, but will damage Milli’s silicone surface over time. Safe for sex without silicone toys.
Oil-Based	Some external use only	❌ No — avoid with Milli	Can disrupt vaginal pH and microbiome, increasing risk of infection. Not suitable for internal use or for use with any dilator.

What to Look for in a Water-Based Lubricant

Not all water-based lubricants are equal. When choosing one for use with Milli or during dilation therapy, look for (Edwards & Panay, 2016):

• pH-balanced formulas (ideally pH 3.8–4.5, which matches the natural vaginal environment)
• Glycerin-free options if you are prone to yeast infections, as glycerin can feed yeast growth
• Fragrance-free and paraben-free formulas to avoid irritation to sensitive tissue
• Hypoallergenic formulations if you have sensitive skin or known sensitivities

When in doubt, ask your healthcare provider or pelvic floor physical therapist for a specific recommendation based on your situation.

How to Use Lube with Milli: Step-by-Step

Using lubricant correctly with Milli makes each session smoother and more effective. Here is how to approach it:

Before Your Session

• Apply a generous amount of water-based lubricant to the tip and body of Milli before insertion. More is better — err on the side of too much rather than too little (Kennedy et al., 2022).
• You can also apply a small amount to the vaginal opening to ease initial insertion.
• Take a few slow, deep breaths to help your pelvic floor relax before you begin. Diaphragmatic breathing — breathing into your belly rather than your chest — triggers an automatic relaxation response in the pelvic floor muscles.

During Your Session

• If you feel increased friction or resistance at any point, pause and reapply lubricant. Do not push through discomfort.
• As you expand Milli gradually, the lubricant helps the tissue accommodate the change without strain.
• Keep sessions at a pace that feels comfortable. The goal is never to force progress — it is to give your body repeated, positive experiences at a level that does not trigger pain or guarding  (Wallace et al., 2019).

After Your Session

• Clean Milli after each use. Important: the wand portion should be washed with mild soap and lukewarm water — but the handle must only be wiped down with a damp cloth of water. Do not submerge the handle or soak it in water, as Milli is not waterproof. Water-based lubricant rinses off the wand easily, which is one of the practical advantages over silicone- or oil-based alternatives.
• Wipe Milli down with a dry towel and allow it to dry completely before placing it back in the charging case or before your next session

Beyond Dilation: Lube for Sex and Daily Comfort

Lubricant is not just for dilation therapy sessions. If you experience dryness or discomfort regularly, using lubricant during sex can make the experience smoother and less painful — especially if you are also working through vaginismus or recovering from hormonal changes related to menopause (Kennedy et al., 2022).

During sex, do not hesitate to use plenty and reapply as needed. The same principle applies: more is better, and pausing to reapply is far preferable to pushing through friction or discomfort (Edwards & Panay, 2016). For a broader look at what causes painful sex and the full range of options available, our article on dyspareunia symptoms and causes is a useful starting point.

“Using lube isn’t optional — it’s part of effective dilation therapy. It reduces friction, supports comfort, and makes it easier to stay consistent with your sessions. And consistency is a critical factor in how quickly progress happens.”

Why Milli Is Different — and Why Consistency Matters

Most vaginal dilators come in fixed sizes, which means switching between separate devices as you progress. Each transition can feel like an abrupt jump — physically and psychologically. Milli is different: it is the only expanding vaginal dilator, allowing you to expand gradually at your own pace, one millimeter at a time. You stay in control of every step.

Milli also includes optional integrated vibration, which many women find helps relax pelvic floor muscles during sessions — making the experience feel less clinical and more manageable. In a recent clinical study of Milli users, 80% used vibration at least half the time, and 57% reported reduced anxiety related to sex after just 3 months (Materna Medical, n.d.)..

This matters because of a simple principle that runs through all of dilation therapy: consistency is a critical factor in how quickly progress happens. A tool that is easier to use, less stressful, and more comfortable to stay with is a tool that gets used regularly — and regular use is what produces results. In that same clinical study, 85% of Milli users made measurable progress toward intercourse within 90 days (Materna Medical, n.d.)..

Lubricant is part of that consistency equation. Every element that makes a session more comfortable makes it more likely you will complete it — and show up for the next one. For more on how dilation therapy works and what makes an effective dilator, see our article Do Vaginal Dilators Work?.

FAQs

What lubricant should I use with Milli?
Only water-based lubricant. Silicone- and oil-based lubricants can damage Milli’s silicone surface and should not be used with the device (Edwards & Panay, 2016). Water-based lubricant is gentle on vaginal tissue, safe for the device, and easy to clean off afterward.

Can I use silicone-based lubricant with Milli?
No. Silicone-based lubricant will damage Milli’s silicone surface over time and is not compatible with the device. Stick with water-based lubricant for all dilation sessions.

How much lubricant should I use?
More than you think. Apply generously to Milli and the vaginal opening before insertion, and reapply during the session if you feel any increase in friction or resistance (Kennedy et al., 2022). There is no such thing as too much when it comes to comfort and safety during dilation.

Can lube help with painful sex even without a dilator?

Yes. Lubricant can reduce friction and make sex more comfortable, particularly if dryness is contributing to pain (Kennedy et al., 2022). However, if pain is related to pelvic floor muscle tightness or vaginismus, lubricant alone may not be sufficient — dilation therapy and pelvic floor physical therapy can address the underlying muscle tension (Wallace et al., 2019). For more on the causes of painful sex and what options are available, see our article on dyspareunia symptoms and causes.

Is Milli suitable for someone with vaginismus?
Yes. Milli is an FDA-cleared vaginal dilator indicated to help relieve the symptoms of vaginismus — a condition involving involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful or impossible. Its gradual, patient-controlled expansion and optional vibration are specifically designed to make dilation therapy more manageable for women with vaginismus (Materna Medical, n.d.). For a full overview of the condition and treatment options, see our Vaginismus Overview article.

Sources

• Edwards, D., & Panay, N. (2016). Treating vulvovaginal atrophy/genitourinary syndrome of menopause: How important is vaginal lubricant and moisturizer composition? Climacteric, 19(2), 151–161. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4819835/
• Kennedy, C. E., Yeh, P. T., Li, J., Gonsalves, L., & Gabrysch, S. (2022). Lubricants for the promotion of sexual health and well-being: A systematic review. Sexual and Reproductive Health Matters, 29(3), 1–27. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8942543/
• Laumann, E. O., Paik, A., & Rosen, R. C. (1999). Sexual dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and predictors. JAMA, 281(6), 537–544. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.281.6.537
• Materna Medical. (n.d.). POMPOM clinical study results (Data on file, KEY0054 and supporting references KEY0050–KEY0053).
• Wallace, S. L., Miller, L. D., & Mishra, K. (2019). Pelvic floor physical therapy in the treatment of pelvic floor dysfunction in women. Current Opinion in Obstetrics and Gynecology, 31(6), 485–493.